p.s. i love you

This is all of the things that I want to say but haven't been able to:

I don't think we've been very connected lately. I don't know if you've noticed. It bothers me that you sit on the opposite couch from me, that I can't touch you when we sleep, that we have nothing in common, that you openly didn't care that we'd been together a year and a half even though you knew it meant a lot to me. That I buy you flowers and cook you dinner and write you love letters and make surprises and romance for you and get nothing of the sort back when you know how badly I want it. That you don't seem to want to spend time with my friends. That you don't seem to care when I'm not around. That you've only met my parents once, that you don't seem to want to meet my family. I'm glad you met my grandpa just once before he died. That you never sweep me off my feet or arrange to do something you know I'd like, or even go on that picnic with me I've always wanted. That besides tv we have no common interests. Hell, we don't even have a similar style or remotely similar taste in music. That I've lived in my house a year next month and you have never, not once, stayed over or expressed any interest in doing so. I love you too much to not want you around, but I don't know how much longer I can do this. I feel alone even when we're together. It hurts to love you so much and never (well,5 times, ever) hear or have it expressed back. I honestly just feel like you don't give a shit, that I'm just someone who happens to be in your life that you just put up with.

I want to say all of this, but I probably never will because I'm a coward and I'm too afraid to be alone if we weren't together and since we have no mutual friends I know I'd just never see you again and the thought of that kills me. So there's nothing I can do.